Have you ever experienced a disagreement within yourself?  You may feel like you are moving in two opposite directions at the same time or having two opposing feelings. Common examples of this include advancing in your job, while longing for a different kind of life or loving your family, but also feeling angry with them. Or you may feel ashamed of part of yourself and you work to keep it a secret, because it seems at odds with your sense of self.  An example of this could be developing a relationship with your partner, while secretly feeling attracted to another person.

This kind of internal conflict—experiencing two seemingly opposite emotions, thoughts, or behaviors—creates distress.  This can cause anxiety, depression, or emotional pain that can translate into problems at work or home and in your relationships with your loved ones. You might notice that when you try to silence or deny part of yourself you end up feeling irritable, tired, or argumentative.

If you experience this kind of internal conflict, I want you to know that there is help.

Modern psychology recognizes how painful internal conflict can be for an individual, but far before the birth of modern psychology, ancient scriptures discussed these issues. Psychology recommends the same things that we’ve heard from God since the beginning: come out into the light, receive grace and love, and experience new and transformative life.  It is through relationships that we heal.

We often hide ourselves because we fear condemnation or invalidation, but Jesus offers grace and new life through his resurrection.  He says: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28).  And Paul wrote:

“Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us.

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? …

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”  (Romans 8:34-39)

If you feel divided against yourself and in need of clarity, freedom, and renewal, I encourage you to share your story with someone who is safe and supportive. By talking about it, in the presence of another person who offers grace and mercy, you can begin to sort through the issues, receive rest and healing, and gain a sense of strength and freedom. What is more, when we do this with each other we fulfill God’s call for us to love one another as he has loved us (John 13:34).  If you’re feeling nervous about sharing or you want the help of a professional, please call Pike Creek Psychological Center. We would be happy to listen to your story, offer grace, and work with you to form an integrated and renewed life.

As a counselor who specializes in counseling teenagers and young adults, there are several ideas that could be useful to either teenagers or their parents when considering the option of therapy.

For teens:

One of the first things to consider is some of the typical signs of depression or anxiety that might show up in teens or young adults. This is a not a comprehensive symptom list, but answering yes to some of these questions might shed light on your emotional need to receive therapy. Ask yourself:  

• Am I having a hard time enjoying things that I typically might enjoy?
• Have my sleep habits changed? Am I sleeping more frequently or having trouble getting to sleep or staying asleep at night?
• Am I agitated or distracted? Is this even affecting my grades in school or my performance/attention at a job or extracurricular activity that I don’t typically have trouble focusing on?
• Am I eating more than I should or not as much as I should?
• Am I often feeling sad or crying more than I usually do?
• Do I feel the desire to hole-up and spend time by myself when I typically might enjoy the company of others?
• Am I “tied up in knots” inside and frequently feeling anxious?
• Am I having panic attacks or feeling frequently overwhelmed?
• Do things put me “on edge” that didn’t used to? Are there social, academic or family situations that I fear?
• Am I just having a hard time liking myself or even wanting to treat myself well?

For parents:

Evaluating your teenager for the above symptoms is definitely important for parents, but undoubtedly the most useful idea that I would share with the parent of a teenager is readiness. Readiness is the idea that your teenager is ready to talk to someone about the things they are struggling with. A parent might feel that a teenager exhibits many of symptoms above, and she might be deeply concerned for her teen; however, if a parent forces her child to come to therapy, the process is often unproductive. I have met with many teens that are unresponsive or even resistant to the therapy process simply because they felt forced to come. A parent can measure the readiness of his teen or young adult by asking questions like these:

• I’m concerned about you lately and wonder if you would feel more comfortable talking to someone other than me (or other support people)?
• Would you be open to the idea of talking to a person who understands the kinds of issues you’re dealing with?
• Would you be willing to give counseling a shot by attending one session to see if it might be helpful?

Many teens are surprised by the usefulness of therapy at improving their daily functioning, reducing their symptoms and raising their overall contentment level. Teens assessing the seriousness of their own symptoms and parents considering their teen’s readiness can help to lay the groundwork for a productive therapy process.

I need to ask you:

Where do you find chili beans? At the North Pole.

Why can’t penguins fly? They’re too short to be pilots.

What happens when frogs park illegally? They get toad.

Hopefully you feel better already…What’s funny about all this is that laughter really IS good for you. Here are some things that happen to you when you laugh:

-       Your body releases endorphins. Endorphins are chemicals that reduce pain and increase happy feelings.

-       Your body reduces stress hormones (you feel less stressed-out).

-       Your body boosts immune function.

-       Your muscles relax.

-       Oxygen levels in your body increase (good for stress relief).

The combination of all those things has the effect, at least temporarily, of feeling better- emotionally and physically.

Hey, even thinking about watching a funny movie before you watch it, starts the benefits (research by Berk at Loma Linda University 2006 noted this).

Not only that- at the workplace, folks who are having fun tend to be more creative, productive, get along better with others, have less absenteeism than those who are serious all the time, according to a study done by Abrams at California State University- Long Beach.

So, how about a good pun or a silly movie? And what I really want to know is:

How can you tell if an elephant’s been in the refrigerator?

Resources: http://Micro.magnet.fsu.edu, www.workplaceissues.com, www.holisticonline.com, 
www.jokesclean.com, www.corsinet.com

Have you seen the recent commercials with an orange monster named “Hunger” running around tempting people to eat junk food? Similar to unchecked hunger, feelings and emotions like anger, fear, and worry are considered negative.  These feelings can cause a great deal of internal pain as well as lead to difficulties in relationships. You may want to change these feelings, but find it is challenging.

One useful method is the process of thinking of the feeling or emotion as something separate from the self, something to call by its name instead of only experiencing it as a sensation. The concept of the “Hunger” monster is an example of this process. While it may be difficult to tackle the sensation of hunger, it becomes easier to battle an enemy which has a name and can be visualized.  In practical terms, think of an emotion that is difficult to manage. Sit down with a piece of paper and draw what this emotion may look like. Write its name. List all the things that you might feel when the emotion is lurking around, so that you can recognize it.  Then, when you feel that emotion start to emerge, picture the emotion, call it by name, and tell it that you are in charge.  Tell it to stand down and then proceed to intentionally tackle your thinking.  You will have more clarity and more freedom to deal with these difficult feelings.

“I’m just overwhelmed and stressed out,” a young man recently told me.  “I’m not sleeping well and my job is really crazy right now.   I find myself feeling anxious all the time, and I can’t seem to relax.” 

Like this young man, many of us experience the effects of stress in our lives, and if left unchecked, stress can cause a multitude of problems.  Chronic effects of stress literally can make us sick and have contributed to the onset of many diseases such as adult onset type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, and heart disease.   So if stress is so bad, why does the body experience it anyway? 

As it turns out, stress is the body’s way of helping us get out of danger.  You know, real life-and-death stuff.  We are created in such a way that when we perceive danger, we experience what is known as the fight-or-flight response, also known as the stress response.   This physiological reaction prepares the body to take action and helps us survive what would otherwise be a really bad day.

So what exactly happens in the body when it experiences the stress response? First the body makes chemicals, mostly adrenaline, to send energy to the muscles.  The heart rate increases, and the body shuts down any non-essentials like digestion, growth, and reproductive processes. This is great when you need to run away from danger, but the problem is that most of life doesn’t require this type of stress reaction.

If we are lucky, our everyday stressors include things like traffic or standing in line at the grocery store when we are in a hurry.  Unfortunately, our bodies cannot tell the difference between these frustrating moments from the real life-or-death moments, and they reacts in exactly the same way to both.  This is often problematic, because we don’t even realize that we’re stressed out and at risk from long-term effects of stress.  The simple truth is that even thinking anxiously can initiate the stress reaction in the body.   

Therefore, it is necessary for us to pay attention to our bodies and anxious thinking and take steps to relax.  Notice things like muscle tension, headaches, disrupted sleep, anxiety and even panic attacks.  This is the body’s way of letting us know that we are stressed out.    

I encourage people to respond to stress by initiating the body’s “relaxation response.”  Imagine that the body has a large button with the word “RELAX” on it in big letters. Now press it.  Imagine it bringing calm and serenity into your body.  The best way to press this button is to simply breathe and say the word “relax” to one’s self.  Actually, any positive self-soothing statement will do the trick.   

The simple, but invaluable, act of breathing begins to reset the body’s stress response and restores the body’s balance to its natural state of calm.  Studies have shown that people who practice more disciplined breathing and meditation experience greater well-being and report less suffering from chronic stressors.   

Here are some other tips to get a handle on stress:

•  Get the body in motion. Walking and exercising are wonderful ways to help manage stress.

•  Get enough sleep.

•  Spend an afternoon with a friend.

•  Go to church or say a prayer.

•  Use hobbies and interests to promote healthy “play” and recreation.

• Take a vacation or go on a retreat.

•  Remember to laugh. 

If you are interested in learning more about managing stress and about the mind-body connection, please take advantage of the “Living with Pain and Illness Workshop” being held at PCPC on September 24th, at 6:30 p.m.  This workshop is designed for those who are hurting physically and emotionally, as well as those who care for them.   

For more information, sign up on line or call (302) 738-6859.  The cost of the workshop is $20 per person, but register by September 21, and receive a discount.