Coping with Your Difficult Teen

Written by Kim Champion, Ph.D. and published on 21-May-2009.

Your daughter has stayed out past her curfew every weekend for the last couple of months while you wait up, worrying about her and growing angrier by the second. Your son has begun dressing differently, and the two seem to argue about everything these days. Your adolescent seems to have an "attitude" with you, getting defensive when you feel that all you are trying to do is have a conversation with her. Do any of these scenarios seem familiar to you? If they do, you are not alone. Dealing with children in their teen years can be extremely frustrating. But understanding where some of these difficult behaviors come from can help.

During the teen years, adolescents have a developmental mission. It is to establish themselves with their own identity, separate from that of their parents. As they enter adolescence, they have learned the belief system, value system, manner and style of their parents. Adolescents begin to develop their own systems by resisting, or even rebelling against, the beliefs of their parents.

Here are some suggestions for coping with your teens’ behavior during this process. Set consistent limits, but allow negotiation and discussion where possible. Let them know that you love them even when they act in ways that upset you. Provide them with outlets for their frustration and anger. These may include talking, writing poetry, listening to music, playing sports, or getting involved in hobbies such as drama, reading, biking, or other activities. Finally, encourage them to volunteer in areas of interest for them, which can help build their value system and enhance their self-worth.