Easing the Transition for Blended Families
Written by Kim Champion, Ph.D. and published on 21-May-2009.
Blending two families can be quite a challenge, especially if the children do not seem to be working with you. A child’s angry, disobedient behavior may be symptomatic of insecurity about what the changes mean to her. It is important to remember that adding people to the family is a significant event in a child’s life. It may lead the child to question how much he is loved and whether he will remain important to the biological parent when she is dividing her attention between more family members. Here are some suggestions for easing the transition:
Reassure your child often that her place in your heart will not be thwarted. Let her know that you love her by spending time with her alone, by showing her physical affection, by listening to her, and by coming right out and telling her. This will go a long way to soothing fears and reinforcing your relationship, which will help your child to feel less threatened and more accepting of the changes.
Keep some consistency. Children need time to adjust to changes, so keep some aspects of your child’s routine the same. This will bolster his security and will help him to feel less overwhelmed by the big changes happening in his family.
Be clear and consistent with discipline. Discuss rewards and consequences with your spouse, ahead of time if possible, so that you are in agreement. Otherwise, the two of you may conflict and even undermine the disciplinary efforts of the other. Don’t let guilt get in the way of appropriate discipline. Even if your child is unhappy with the new arrangement, she needs to have consistent discipline to feel secure and to know where the boundaries are. In the long run, your child will be more able to adjust to the changes in the context of fair and loving discipline.
Remember that your children may not know how your remarriage will affect them and the responsibility is yours as the adults in the situation to help your children through this transition. Children will begin to behave more appropriately as you meet their emotional needs and set firm limits.
