Faulty Beliefs
Written by Kim Champion, Ph.D. and published on 21-May-2009.
Childhood experiences shape us into who we are as adults. For better or worse, they lead us to ingrained beliefs about ourselves and about the world. If too many of these experiences are destructive, hurtful, or abusive, we will develop distortions in our thinking and believing about who we are, what we have to offer, how we affect others, and how others affect us.
For example, when a child grows up with a parent who was angry, unpredictable, and often disappeared, that child may "learn" that he is to blame, bad, unlovable, or not worth sticking around for. These beliefs become so entrenched that the person is not even conscious of them.
As adults, we may have developed well-rehearsed, unhealthy thought patterns that lead to poor decisions, depression, anxiety, destructive relationships, and/or self-hatred. Sometimes people find over time that their spouses are very controlling and verbally abusive. But they may feel that they deserve this treatment and they should not be disagreeable. Or they feel they cannot survive on their own, so they endure it. Or sometimes people avoid relationships because they fear rejection, abandonment, or someone finding out the "truth" that they are unlovable. As a result, they endure loneliness or feel unfulfilled in a string of shallow relationships.
Other times, people feel estranged from God, even though they believe in Him and pray. Often, their belief that they are unlovable, don’t deserve God’s grace and attention, or that they are bad keeps them holding back from full trust in God and from opening up entirely to God. Parenting may also be hampered. It is hard to do anything well that has not been taught or role modeled properly. To foster a close, bonded relationship with a child while maintaining proper discipline and consistent limits, it takes energy and resources that may be scarce due to depression or other difficulties.
Usually, people are unaware of the implications of their childhood and the faulty beliefs that their upbringing produced in them. Truthfully, everyone has some distortions in thinking. Most people are unaware of their faulty beliefs and their impact on their lives. The good news is that we can become aware of these beliefs and they are changeable. Therapy is designed to help people become aware of these beliefs and to help them change distorted thought patterns into more productive, healthy patterns. In turn, these changes have positive ripple effects into every area of life.
