Guiding Them Through the Middle Years

Written by Kim Champion, Ph.D. and published on 21-May-2009.

Middle school students face a lot of challenges from increasing academic demands to more complex peer relationships. One of the biggest worries we parents have is for the safety of our children as they transition from childhood to adolescence. We worry that our child could be bullied or teased by classmates. We hope that our child makes healthy choices. Children often find themselves in difficult situations due to inexperience.

Children can make a smooth transition into adolescence and will build strong character, make healthy choices, and be less likely to be victimized by peers if parents are actively involved, build them up and encourage them, and teach them skills such as assertiveness.

Suggestions for preparing children for challenges:Enhance communication through asking questions, slowing down to listen, and reassuring your child that you are available to talk when she is ready.Boost your child’s sense of what an amazing, wonderful, unique creation he is and how precious he is in your eyes and in God’s eyes. Let him know at every opportunity that he is special and you love him.

Teach your child that she can stand up for herself and that she has the right to say no, think before making decisions, change her mind, and to tell people how she feels.

Teach your child how to stand up for himself. He needs to speak clearly and firmly, be direct, and does not need to justify his position. He can say no without feeling obligated to convince the other person.

Provide accountability so that your child knows that you are aware of what she is doing, where she is, and with whom. Take the time to meet her friends and call parents of friends. Accountability can also help when your child wants to avoid an unhealthy situation, but does not feel she can be assertive.

When your child does mess up, the best approach is to help him resolve the situation, give a consequence, and work with him to learn from this mistake. Mistakes are part of the learning process and will produce strength of character if handled with consistent limits, unconditional love, and a lot of talking. Small mistakes handled with care can reduce the chances of bigger mistakes later.

"Love sought is good, but given unsought is better."
~ William Shakespeare

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart."
~ Helen Keller

"Love as distinct from ‘being in love’ is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by (in Christian marriages) the grace which both partners ask and receive, from God. They can have this love for each other even at those moments when they do not like each other; as you love yourself even when you do not like yourself. They can retain this love even when each would easily, if they allowed themselves, be "in love" with someone else. "Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it."
~ C.S. Lewis

"And now I will show you the most excellent way. If I speak in the tongues of man and angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient; love is kind. It does not envy; it does not boast; it is not proud. It is not rude; it is not self-seeking; it is not easily angered; it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."
~ I Corinthians 13:1-8

These verses from the Bible were written to the church, which consists of the body of believers in Jesus Christ. However, these thoughts on love can be applied to all relationships. Here are some practical applications.

• Love is patient: When your loved one, who is making progress, slips up again, let it go.
• Love is kind: Minister to your hurt partner with kind words.
• Love does not envy: Rejoice in the success of your loved one.
• Love does not boast; it is not proud: Know that the strength to love deeply comes from God.
• Love is not rude: Decide to bite your tongue instead of saying that nasty comment.
• Love is not self-seeking: Be willing to give without any expectation of return.
• Love is not easily angered: Make a choice to express annoyance productively, before you get angry.
• Love keeps no record of wrongs: When your partner has confessed sin and is progressing, be willing to let go of hurts.
• Love does not delight in evil: Never benefit at a loved one’s expense.
• Love rejoices in the truth: Be honest, even when it costs you.
• Love always protects: Defend your loved one’s honor as if it were your own.
• Love always trusts: Give loved ones the benefit of the doubt.
• Love always hopes: Know that if you keep working on a relationship, it will get better.
• Love perseveres: Know that there will be adversity even in the best of relationships.
• Love never fails: God gives us power to love truly, and God never fails.