Healthy Self-Esteem
Written by J.D. Willetts, Ph.D. and published on 21-May-2009.
Self-esteem is one of the most misunderstood topics in our society. Many hold the belief that it is unhealthy to submit one’s needs and desires to those of others because this shows a devaluing of the self. From this perspective, great importance is placed on the individual, often at the expense of others. A healthy self-esteem is then characterized by haughty arrogance and selfishness.
At the other extreme are those who believe it is wrong to consider one’s own feelings and desires when making decisions. To support these beliefs they draw upon scriptures such as Philippians 2:3: "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves." The result is a self-loathing similar to the ascetics who beat themselves with whips to gain humility.
These views are inadequate and are contrary to scripture. Healthy self-esteem is to see ourselves as God sees us. God created us in His image for the purpose of being in relationship with Him. We have value by virtue of being His creation and by being created in His likeness. The point of the Philippians passage is a call to imitate Christ’s humility, not to advocate self-loathing. When Jesus lived His life, He was criticized for arrogantly claiming to be the rightful King of the Jews, the Son of God, and the Savior of all people. But His claims were based on the objective understanding of who He was and of His standing before the Father. Conversely, He willingly subjugated His rights to our needs and esteemed us more than Himself when He died on the cross. He did not see Himself as a lowly creature who should die because we deserve the sacrifice, but rather He looked "not only to His own interest, but also to the interests of others." (Philippians 2:4) In doing so, He demonstrated a model of self-esteem where He understood His value, but used it to serve others.
True self-esteem is to recognize who we are before God and to use our position and value to serve God and others. That is, we are not to elevate ourselves as all important or to denigrate ourselves as unimportant.
