Helping Children Adjust to Divorce

Written by Vicki Tillman, M.A. and published on 21-May-2009.

Divorce is just as traumatic for the children involved as it is for the adults. There are two keys for helping children adjust to the changes: stability and security. Stability is important because so much around the children is in a state of upheaval. With so many changes, a stable schedule can help. It will be helpful if you can:

Eat meals together at a designated time.

Adhere to a set routine for bedtime and devotions.

Have particular things you do on set days (e.g., Wednesdays for youth group, Saturdays for hiking, etc.)

Security is also important for children experiencing divorce. Children are usually frightened by the losses they feel, and they need to be helped to feel as safe as possible. It will be helpful to:

• Reassure them that they will not lose the remaining parent.
• Encourage them to have a relationship with the absent parent.
• Not involve them in the conflict between the parents.
• While it is difficult to muster up the emotional strength to provide the stability and security children need in this tumultuous time, it is imperative that parents put forth their best effort. This effort will not only prevent further suffering, but it can speed the healing process.