Marriage

Written by J.D. Willetts, Ph.D. and published on 21-May-2009.

Listen. The key to effective communication is listening. Often we assume we know what our spouse is going to say because we’ve "heard it all before." This assumption results in us not listening. Instead, we respond to a caricature of our spouse that we have in our heads rather than the living person to whom we are married. When communicating, practice understanding the other person’s point rather than making your own. Commit to not leaving a conversation until you understand completely what your partner is saying.

Be responsible. Take full responsibility for everything you think, say and do. Never blame your behavior on your spouse. Don’t accept excuses like "I can’t help it," or "She made me so mad I had to..." We always choose our behavior whether we acknowledge that choice or not.

Commit. No marriage survives on the romantic feelings that got it started. Commitment to work through all obstacles is essential for a healthy marriage. Your commitment shows, not when things go well with your marriage, but when times are rough. It is easy to give when you get. It is much more difficult to remain committed during the trials that will occur during any long-term relationship.

Cooperate. Always work as a team. Once married, your spouse should be a part of every decision you make. When you think in terms of "we" rather than in terms of "I," you build intimacy and are more sensitive to needs. In a healthy marriage, your spouse is not limited to just one aspect of your life, but permeates all areas as an integral part of your self.