Rx for Marriages on the Mend
Written by Jeff Ernst, M.A. and published on 21-May-2009.
A Spoonful of Sugar...
Just as doctors write prescriptions to promote healing, as a marriage therapist, I prescribe "remedies" that will enhance the mending process if taken in proper dosages. First, there is the remedy of reconciliation. As couples forgive each other for hurts or mistakes, God’s grace, mercy and forgiveness become reality — a gift to be experienced and shared. Nine simple words help nurse a hurting marriage back to health: "I am sorry." "I was wrong." "Please forgive me."
...Helps the Medicine Go Down...
A second remedy is responsibility. Mending requires that each partner be responsible for themselves, their actions, behaviors and choices, and stop the "blame game." Pointing fingers and fault-finding only foster more pain. Christ taught His followers to stop judging! "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?" (Matthew 7:3)
...In a Delightful Way!
A third remedy is rediscovery. I encourage couples to restore romantic love to their marriage; to go the extra mile and meet each other’s "heart hungers." Psychologist and author Willard Harley writes, "Four emotional needs should be primary...affection, sexual fulfillment, conversation, and recreational companionship." Qualities such as openness and honesty, attractiveness, financial and domestic support, family commitment, and admiration/respect are also vital to the mending process.
Is There Hope for Healing in Marriage?
Couples who come to Pike Creek Psychological ask this question. My response: "Yes, but with stipulations!" Each partner must recommit to taking the prescribed remedies and resolve to do the work necessary to promote healing.
Philosopher and theologian Gabriel Marcel states, "Hope is more than conquering obstacles. Hope involves perseverance...the certitude that God is with us through circumstances even when He has not made a way around those circumstances. Hope involves motivation to endure when we cannot change circumstances...a vision of a way through suffering."
