Surviving Divorce
Written by J.D. Willetts, Ph.D. and published on 21-May-2009.
Divorce was never intended to be a part of marriage. Unfortunately, it is a reality in our society today. While it takes two people to make a marriage successful and satisfying, it only takes one person to get a divorce. While we do not advocate divorce at Pike Creek Psychological Center, we want to help those who are going through it. The following are a few tips to make surviving divorce a little easier.
Accept reality. Pain is often intensified when a person refuses to accept what their partner is saying and doing. Ignoring or denying the collapse of your marriage does not prevent the marriage from ending, but may hasten the demise or push a salvageable marriage over the edge.
Build support. It is usually harmful to keep your divorce secret. You will need the support of friends and family. During a divorce, you will often find out who is truly a faithful friend.
Tighten the belt. Finances can be an extremely stressful part of divorce. Most people must adjust the standard of living downward during and after a divorce. Usually this is especially true for women. Starting early to budget, save, and do without can save you from financial disaster later.Protect children. Children should never be used for leverage in a divorce. Children are damaged enough in divorce without the added burden of being prizes to be won by feuding parents. How much a child should know about the divorce depends on the age of the child.
Mediate your divorce. Many divorces can be handled through mediation rather than through litigation. Mediation involves one mediator striving for reasonable fairness, rather than two lawyers striving to get all they can for you. Mediation usually results in more fair settlements and less animosity between parties. However, complex situations or very hostile ones may benefit from legal representation.
Stay alone. Don’t jump into another relationship after divorce. The temptation is great, but I recommend waiting four years before being involved in a serious relationship.
Get help. Many may benefit from seeking professional help. Divorce is one of the most stressful events you can face in life. Getting guidance and support from a professional who understands the pitfalls of divorce can be a lifeline during a difficult time.
Pursue God. Great comfort can be found by fortifying your relationship with God when your primary human relationship ends.Saving your marriage is worth the effort whenever you can. But if your marriage can’t be salvaged, it is hoped that these tips can help with the transition.
