The Power of Forgiveness

Written by Rick Holmes, Ph.D. and published on 21-May-2009.

Lack of forgiveness is one of the major blocks to emotional or inner healing. How can we forgive someone who has hurt us? Why should we forgive someone who has hurt us? Why should we do this, when most often the lack of forgiveness is justified in our minds?

Lack of forgiveness is a "bitter root" (Hebrews 12:15) that must be pulled out. It may not come through the heart; it may come from an act of will, and then move to the heart. We need to forgive those who have hurt us. Anger and resentment held within us against others can turn an incident of lack of forgiveness into a barrier for growth.

From a clinical perspective , there are four stages of forgiveness:

1. Confirm the hurt — admit what you are feeling and have experienced.
2. Confess the hate — come clean about the ill-will you are holding.
3. Choose to heal — make a decision to let go of the anger, resentment or pain.
4. Come to harmony — make a choice to live fully in the present.

From a Christian perspective, I believe there are seven steps of forgiveness:

1. We ask God to help us with issues of forgiving others.
2. God forgives us, that’s a given...Thank God!
3. Others (hopefully) forgive us.
4. We forgive ourselves.
5. When we are ready, we need to ask forgiveness of those who have hurt us for the negative thoughts and actions that we have against them to break out of our prison of unforgiveness.
6. We come to a complete place of forgiveness.
7. If the concern comes up again, go to number one on this list!